Stories from Orthodox

Orthodox makes best comments on inosmi.ru forum. One can read all of his satirical stories here (knowledge of Russian is required). Here’s my translation of his latest comment.

Pro-American Post-Soviet States (PAPSS) should get stronger support from the US government demands US Counsil on Foreign Relations. In a secret amendment to the report we find concrete action points on how to make this kind of support stronger.

1. American Ambassador pats PAPSS on the shoulder. Stronger – Embraces PAPSS lovingly and kisses them in the lips.
2. Say that Russia has no right to raise prices on natural gas. Stronger – Russia has no right to sell natural gas at all.
3. Promise PAPSS that they’ll join European Union. Stronger – Promise they’ll join the USA.
4. Promise that soon PAPSS will get everything. Stronger – Promise that SOON is really coming! It’s coming! Coming!
5. Promise to bring PAPSS to NATO. Stronger – NATO HQ will be relocated from Brussels to the capital of PAPSS.
6. Bush visits PAPSS. Stronger – Bush buys rancho in PAPSS and spends vacations there.
7. Promise to give money. Stronger – Promise that Europe will give money.
8. Bring democratic values. Stronger – Double. No, triple the supply of democratic values.
9. Bring PAPSS troops to Iraq. Stronger – Use PAPSS troops to attack Iran.
10. Make a new geo-political block out of PAPSS. Stronger – Bring every country around Russia into this block. There’re so many na?ve idiots there.